6
Paws Up
Paws Down
New Vending machines!
Lyons Football Team beating Clyde, 260!
Volleyball and X country teamsleague
champs!
New teachers.
Lack of space on student computer drives.
New pay system in the cafeteria .
Disclaimer:
If you are offended by any of this con
tent… get over it! It’s supposed to be funny. If
you have any complaints take it up with my as
sociate Chris Polito.
10. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing
rubs it in like a computer.
9. The nice thing about Windows it does not just
crash; it actually displays a dialogue box and lets
you press OK first.
8. Bad command or filename. Go stand in the cor
ner.
7. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
6. Do files get embarrassed when they’re unzipped?
5. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the
jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
4. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they
are.
3. There are two major products to come out of
Berkley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this
to be a coincidence.
2. Error: Hit any user to continue.
1. If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try
kickboxing.
The Funny Thing
About Technology
Chris Petty, Sophomore
The Mane Event’s Fun Stuff
DEEP THOUGHTS
by Jack Handy
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I
was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland,
but instead I drove him to an old burnedout ware
house.
“Oh, no,”
I said.
“Disneyland burned
down.”
He cried and cried, but I think that deep
down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started
to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was get
ting pretty late.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to
laugh at that man.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick
of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burn
ing fuse up to the phone.
“Hear that?”
you say.
“That’s dynamite, baby.”
1. The courthouse is the biggest building in town.
(And we have two).
2. You always have something to read, since the
police beat is bigger than the phonebook.
3. You won’t miss your family because the majority
stays in Lyons.
4. Reading is optional; most of the signs are color
coded or have pictures.
5. You can leave your kids in Walmart if you need a
babysitter.
6. Word spreads so fast that people know what’s
going to happen to someone before they know it.
7. You’ll never be lonely while pumping gas; there’s
always a crowd there.
8. You don’t have to go far to shop; there are about
fourdollar stores and five drug stores.
9. You’ll be satisfied to know that you’ll always have
an experienced teacher because they’re here ten
years before they pay off their college loan.
10.We are the chicken BBQ capital; there’s one on
every corner, every Saturday.
Reasons Why
You Don’t Want to
Leave Lyons
School Jokes
1. How do bees get to school?
2. How do you get straight A’s?
3. What dessert did Mrs. Marsteiner make?
4. What did one math book say to the other?
5. What happened to the plant in math class?
Answers to
School Jokes
1. On the school BUZZ!
2. By using a ruler!
3. A Pi!
4. I have a lot of problems!
5. It grew square roots!
Humorous Quotes
*Half of the people in the world are below average.
(Anonymous)
*Writing about music is like dancing about architec
ture. (Anonymous)
*On a tombstone: “I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK”
(Anonymous)
*Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring,
wedding ring, and suffering. (Anonymous)
*“Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a
comforting thought for those people who can’t re
member where they leave things.” (Anonymous)
*Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ....
(Anonymous)
*Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
(Anonymous)
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it”
Yogi Berra
*“If you don’t know where you are going, you will
wind up somewhere else!” (Yogi Berra)
*When I played in the sandbox the cat kept
covering me up. (Rodney Dangerfield)
* I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath
toys were a toaster and a radio. (Rodney
Dangerfield)
*My father carries around the picture of the kid
who came with his wallet. (Rodney Dangerfield)
*My mother had morning sickness after I was
born. (Rodney Dangerfield)
A Sultan’s wife is called a Sultana.
Yuma, Arizona has the most sunny days of any
locale in USA. On average, each year there are
332 sunny days.
In Italy, a man can be arrested if he wears a skirt
in public.
On average, a person laughs about 15 times each
day.
Tuesday is the most productive day of the working
week.
One beaver can cut down 216 trees a year.
Althaiophobia is the fear of marshmallows.
500,000 tons of dog excrement are dumped
annually on the streets of Paris.
The official color of Lisa Simpsons’ dress is RGB
255,54,15.
Useless Trivia
Funny Fotos
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