12
The Mane Event
A Sultan’s wife is called a Sultana .
Yuma, Arizona has the most sunny days of any
locale in USA. On average, each year there are
332 sunny days .
In Italy, a man can be arrested if he wears a skirt
in public .
On average, a person laughs about 15 times
each day .
Tuesday is the most productive day of the
working week.
Did you know that no piece of paper can be
folded in half more than seven times. Try it.
I think you ought to know that as well as silver,
purple, orange and month, there are at least two
other English words that don’t have any rhymes. They
are
It’s impossible to bite your own teeth
The average escalator transports up to 5,000 people
each hour
How does the snow get into snowglobes?
Seventy percent of the buildings along Broadway in
New York City have no thirteenth floor.
Coconuts kill more people in the world than sharks
do. Approximately 150 people are killed each year
by coconuts.
Every day, over five billion gallons of water are
flushed down toilets in the United States.
California has issued 6 drivers licenses to people
named Jesus Christ.
Since 1978, at least 37 people have died as a result
of shaking vending machines, in an attempt to get
free merchandise.
The first ever “World Summit on Toilets” was held
in Singapore in November 2001.
The longest kiss on record lasted 30 hours and 45
minutes.
Useless Trivia
“spirit” and “silver”
.
I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the
dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove,
and it doesn’t have a beak to peck you with.
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going
to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe
you’ll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that’s
my point.
Too bad Lassie didn’t know how to ice skate, be
cause then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter
and someone said “Lassie, go skate for help,” she
could do it.
One thing vampire children are taught is, never run
with a wooden stake.
I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy
guy. I’ll just walk around being real happy until some
jerk says something stupid to me.
Probably the saddest thing you’ll ever see is a mos
quito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute
thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why
God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Prob
ably because of something you did.”
Laurie got offended that I used the word “puke.”
But to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like.
If you’re a young Mafia gangster out on your first
date, I bet it’s real embarrassing if someone tries to
kill you.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t
open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think
a funny gag would be to pretend you were swim
ming.
When you die, if you get a choice between going to
regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It
might be a trick, but if it’s not, mmmmmmm, boy.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a
mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a
panic.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine,
which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculo
sis.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp,
because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people
will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
The Wisdom of
Jack Handey
Tech Department
Flourishes
By Brian Ocque, Senior
To pick up where we left off with the faculty
changes section, there are three very important teach
ers that must be mentioned. Our technology depart
ment has something to be proud of with the addition
of Mr. Wasnock, Mr. Schermerhorn, and Mr. Wolf
to the staff.
Mr. Wasnock is the EIP teacher, and he can
instantly be characterized as someone who treats
people in a manner in which he would want to be
treated. He is a kindhearted man who has learned
his values through one of the best programs for young
men to date, the Boy Scouts of America. He earned
the rank of Eagle Scout and with doing that, earned
the right to be called a respectable person. He is
pretty normal, yet weird at the same time, with his
collection of
PEZ
dispensers and various trinkets.
“When the Amerks are having a losing season
(or life is at wits end), play with your PEZ”
–
anonymous.
Another edition to the same room as Mr.
Waz is Mr. Wolf. Mr. Wolf is another one of those
teachers who is just plain easy to get along with. He
enjoys subjecting his students to a variety of music
form the 70’s through today. He rather enjoys
“Barenaked Ladies”
(calm yourselves, it’s a band!).
This is one of my personal favorites as well, so that
means that he is already on my good side.
“If you
decide to roll your truck, make sure you don’t
bring your wife or a loaded shotgun…”
anony
mous.
Another person that is worth mentioning is
Mr. Schermerhorn. Commonly referred to by his
World of Technology class as “Kurt”, he has a strik
ing resemblance to Kurt Angle from
“Smack Down”
or some wrestling program of that nature. Maybe it’s
just pure luck that Mr. S coaches wrestling, and he is
always looking to recruit new victims onto his team.
He is fair and tolerant as well; a child’s grade will
reflect his actions in class and the amount of effort
they put into the class.
“When you’re losing your
hair and are on the road to baldness, just shave
it all off and no one will know…”
–anonymous.
All of these teachers are people who are
warmly welcomed to our school system and are defi
nitely a big part of what makes this technology wing
grow. Only progress can be made, and eventually it
won’t be a sin or a flaw to be taking technology
classes. Help them feel welcome as they are just as
downtoearth as most of our students!
Dear Anthony,
I know that going through recovery is a
tough process, but just stick with it. Many people
within my own family have problems such as yours,
so I personally know how much of an obstacle
getting over an addiction is. From reading the
poem it seems as if your doing great on your road
to an alcoholfree life. I hope that you’ve managed
to come thus far without too much sacrifice on your
way to recovery and wish you the best of luck in
your endeavors.
Sincerely,
LaChanda Mills (sophomore)
Dear Anthony,
I hope you are already close to the end of
your road to recovery, and if your poems mean what
you say they mean, then I’m sure you’ll be able to
kick the habit. Thank you for your poems to the school
newspaper. We all hope that you make a full and
speedy recovery.
Sincerely,
Logan “T” King
Anthony,
Continue to have faith and continue to strive
for your goal. Know that there are many at LCS
who are thinking of you and praying for you.
Keep the peace.
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