12
    The Mane Event
    ­A Sultan’s wife is called a Sultana .
    ­Yuma, Arizona has the most sunny days of any
    locale in USA. On average, each year there are
    332 sunny days .
    ­In Italy, a man can be arrested if he wears a skirt
    in public .
    ­On average, a person laughs about 15 times
    each day .
    ­Tuesday is the most productive day of the
    working week.
    ­Did you know that no piece of paper can be
    folded in half more than seven times. Try it.
    ­I think you ought to know that as well as silver,
    purple, orange and month, there are at least two
    other English words that don’t have any rhymes. They
    are
    ­It’s impossible to bite your own teeth
    ­The average escalator transports up to 5,000 people
    each hour
    ­How does the snow get into snowglobes?
    ­Seventy percent of the buildings along Broadway in
    New York City have no thirteenth floor.
    ­Coconuts kill more people in the world than sharks
    do. Approximately 150 people are killed each year
    by coconuts.
    ­Every day, over five billion gallons of water are
    flushed down toilets in the United States.
    ­California has issued 6 drivers licenses to people
    named Jesus Christ.
    ­Since 1978, at least 37 people have died as a result
    of shaking vending machines, in an attempt to get
    free merchandise.
    ­The first ever “World Summit on Toilets” was held
    in Singapore in November 2001.
    ­The longest kiss on record lasted 30 hours and 45
    minutes.
    Useless Trivia
    “spirit” and “silver”
    .
    ­I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the
    dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove,
    and it doesn’t have a beak to peck you with.
    ­Instead of studying for finals, what about just going
    to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe
    you’ll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that’s
    my point.
    ­Too bad Lassie didn’t know how to ice skate, be­
    cause then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter
    and someone said “Lassie, go skate for help,” she
    could do it.
    ­One thing vampire children are taught is, never run
    with a wooden stake.
    ­I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy
    guy. I’ll just walk around being real happy until some
    jerk says something stupid to me.
    ­Probably the saddest thing you’ll ever see is a mos­
    quito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
    ­If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute
    thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why
    God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Prob­
    ably because of something you did.”
    ­Laurie got offended that I used the word “puke.”
    But to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like.
    ­If you’re a young Mafia gangster out on your first
    date, I bet it’s real embarrassing if someone tries to
    kill you.
    ­If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t
    open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think
    a funny gag would be to pretend you were swim­
    ming.
    ­When you die, if you get a choice between going to
    regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It
    might be a trick, but if it’s not, mmmmmmm, boy.
    ­If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a
    mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a
    panic.
    ­Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine,
    which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculo­
    sis.
    ­If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp,
    because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people
    will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
    The Wisdom of
    Jack Handey
    Tech Department
    Flourishes
    By Brian Ocque, Senior
    To pick up where we left off with the faculty
    changes section, there are three very important teach­
    ers that must be mentioned. Our technology depart­
    ment has something to be proud of with the addition
    of Mr. Wasnock, Mr. Schermerhorn, and Mr. Wolf
    to the staff.
    Mr. Wasnock is the EIP teacher, and he can
    instantly be characterized as someone who treats
    people in a manner in which he would want to be
    treated. He is a kind­hearted man who has learned
    his values through one of the best programs for young
    men to date, the Boy Scouts of America. He earned
    the rank of Eagle Scout and with doing that, earned
    the right to be called a respectable person. He is
    pretty normal, yet weird at the same time, with his
    collection of
    PEZ
    dispensers and various trinkets.
    “When the Amerks are having a losing season
    (or life is at wits end), play with your PEZ”
    –
    anonymous.
    Another edition to the same room as Mr.
    Waz is Mr. Wolf. Mr. Wolf is another one of those
    teachers who is just plain easy to get along with. He
    enjoys subjecting his students to a variety of music
    form the 70’s through today. He rather enjoys
    “Barenaked Ladies”
    (calm yourselves, it’s a band!).
    This is one of my personal favorites as well, so that
    means that he is already on my good side.
    “If you
    decide to roll your truck, make sure you don’t
    bring your wife or a loaded shotgun…”
    ­anony­
    mous.
    Another person that is worth mentioning is
    Mr. Schermerhorn. Commonly referred to by his
    World of Technology class as “Kurt”, he has a strik­
    ing resemblance to Kurt Angle from
    “Smack Down”
    or some wrestling program of that nature. Maybe it’s
    just pure luck that Mr. S coaches wrestling, and he is
    always looking to recruit new victims onto his team.
    He is fair and tolerant as well; a child’s grade will
    reflect his actions in class and the amount of effort
    they put into the class.
    “When you’re losing your
    hair and are on the road to baldness, just shave
    it all off and no one will know…”
    –anonymous.
    All of these teachers are people who are
    warmly welcomed to our school system and are defi­
    nitely a big part of what makes this technology wing
    grow. Only progress can be made, and eventually it
    won’t be a sin or a flaw to be taking technology
    classes. Help them feel welcome as they are just as
    down­to­earth as most of our students!
    Dear Anthony,
    I know that going through recovery is a
    tough process, but just stick with it. Many people
    within my own family have problems such as yours,
    so I personally know how much of an obstacle
    getting over an addiction is. From reading the
    poem it seems as if your doing great on your road
    to an alcohol­free life. I hope that you’ve managed
    to come thus far without too much sacrifice on your
    way to recovery and wish you the best of luck in
    your endeavors.
    Sincerely,
    LaChanda Mills (sophomore)
    Dear Anthony,
    I hope you are already close to the end of
    your road to recovery, and if your poems mean what
    you say they mean, then I’m sure you’ll be able to
    kick the habit. Thank you for your poems to the school
    newspaper. We all hope that you make a full and
    speedy recovery.
    Sincerely,
    Logan “T” King
    Anthony,
    Continue to have faith and continue to strive
    for your goal. Know that there are many at LCS
    who are thinking of you and praying for you.
    Keep the peace.

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